BASEBALL POEMS & HUMOR:



The Pitcher:

The team manager went out to the mound and said
to the young pitcher, "son, I think you've had
enough for today".
The pitcher replied to the coach, "yea coach but I
struck  this guy out the last time he came up".
The coach said "I know son, but we are still
 in the same inning".
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IF SCHOOL WAS MORE LIKE BASEBALL

If school was more like baseball
we'd only have to play.
We'd hang out in the sunshine
and run around all day.

We wouldn't have to study.
We'd practice and we'd train.
And, best of all, they'd cancel
whenever there was rain.


 


A ROTTEN DAY AT BASEBALL

I had a rotten Baseball game today.
I was coming in from the field of play
I accidentally stubbed my toes
and tripped and fell and whacked my nose.
I chipped a tooth. I cut my lip.
I scraped my knee. I hurt my hip.
I pulled my shoulder, tweaked my ear,
and got a bruise upon my rear.
I banged my elbow, barked my shin.
A welt is forming on my chin.
My pencil poked me in the thigh.
I got an eyelash in my eye.
I sprained my back. I wrenched my neck.
I'm feeling like a total wreck.
So that's the last time I refuse
when my coach says to tie my shoes.


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DO YOU UNDERSTAND

During the course of the baseball game, the coach pulled one of his 9 year old players
over to the side and asked,

"Do you understand what cooperation is ?, What a team is ? "
The little boy nodded yes.

"Do you understand what it means to win or lose as a team ?"

The little boy nodded yes again.
 
So, the coach said, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse,
or call the umpire names,  right ?"

Again the little boy nodded yes.
 
The coach continued, "and so you know when I take you out of the game its so another boy
gets a chance to play, and its not

really good sportsmanship to call your coach an asshole, is it ?
Again the little boy agreed.
 
Then coach said "OK Good...... Now go over there and explain it to your grandmother".


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BASEBALL IN HAVEN

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both lived into their 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deadly ill. His friend came to visit him on his deathbed and they 
were remininscing about thier long friendship over the years. Then the dying mans
friend asks, "listen, when you you die, do me a favor.
I want to know if there is baseball in haven".

The dying man said, We've been friends for years, I will do that favor for you,
and then he dies.

A couple of days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friends voice.
The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is
that there is baseball in haven. The bad news, Your pitching On Wednesday".
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HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY

He stands at the plate,
with his heart pounding fast.
The bases are loaded,
the die has been cast.

Mom and Dad cannot help him,
he stands all alone.
A hit at this moment,
would send the Team home.

The ball meets the plate,
he swings and he misses.
There’s a groan from the crowd,
with some boos and some hisses.

A thoughtless voice cries,
strike out the bum.
Tears fill his eyes,
the game’s no longer fun.

So open your heart,
and give him a break.
For it’s moments like this,
a man you can make.

Please keep this in mind,
when you hear someone forget.
He is just a little boy,
and not a man yet.





ALONE AT THE PLATE

[by Dusty Baker]


He pulls on a helmet, picks up the bat,
and walks to the plate, “gotta hit and that’s that.”

The crowd starts to yell, the game’s on the line,
last inning, two outs, the score’s nine to nine.

Dad yells, “Go get it,” Mom wrings her hands,
Coach hollers, “hit it,” but alone there he stands.

Heros are made in seconds such as this,
but he’s just a little boy, what if he should miss ??
Years after the game’s ended and he’s little no more,
will he remember the outcome or even the score ??

No he’ll have forgotten if he was out, hit or a run,
he’ll only look back on his friends and the fun.

So cheer this boy on, alone with his fate,
help him remember with fondness this stand at the plate.

Spend your time wisely and help in his quest
to be a hitter with confidence and always do his best.
And when the game’s over, this boy can stand tall,


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THE SPANIARD

A Spaniard man named Jose came to Miami and wanted to attend a big league game. To his dismay he found that all of the seats were sold out. However, the management gave him a high seat by the
flagpole which was empty.

When he returned home to his country and his friends asked him "what kind of people are those Americans". He said "They are fine people, they gave me a special seat at the ball game and just
before the game started they all stood up and sang "Jose can you see".
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RED SOX FAN

A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every
Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY
pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve
back just missing them.

One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought
he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where
are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two
miles down the road," replied the priest.

"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest
climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.

Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the
road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he
swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy,
he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he
glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.

He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the
priest and said, sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."

"That's OK My Son," replied the priest "I got him with the door."


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COVERING ALL THE BASES

A little boy was overheard talking to himself
as he strode through his backyard,
Baseball cap in place, while toting ball and bat.
“I’m the greatest baseball player in the world”, he said proudly.

Then he tossed the ball into the air, swung and missed.

Undaunted, he picked up the ball, threw it into the air and said to himself, “I’m the greatest player ever!!”

He swung at the ball again, and again he missed.

He paused a moment to examine the bat and ball carefully.
Then once again he threw the ball into the air and said,
“I’m the greatest baseball player who ever lived!!”

He swung the bat hard and missed the ball yet again.

He thought for a second and then said, “Wow !!”, “I'm the Worlds Greatest Pitcher!!”


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SOME QUOTES (HUMOROUS & NOT)

Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up. ~Bob Lemon

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"Little League baseball is a very good thing, because it keeps the parents off the streets” - Yogi Berra

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“Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for having too many men on the field?”

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"Baseball is 90% mental, and the the other half is physcial" ~ Yogi Berra

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Baseball is a fun game. It beats working for a living.
When they start the game, they don't yell, "Work ball." They say, "Play ball." ~Willie Stargell, 1981

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“Baseball is the only sport I know of that when you are on offense the other team has the ball.”

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Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except on the umpire's or on the ball. ~Jim Murray

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“There are three types of ball players: Those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and
those who wonder what the heck just happened.” Tommy LaSorda

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Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes,
or games, are created equal. ~George F. Will

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For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided
into six innings."
— Earl Wilson

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"Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and
be considered a good performer."
— Ted Williams